Grace Evelyn Taylor nee Ivall (1922-2006) : Her Life Story Part 4

This is the final part of my mother’s life story. She was a true and constant friend to many people she met. In 2002, she had some thickened skin with a split in it on the sole of her foot. This turned out to be melanoma (skin cancer). She had several operations to try and cure it, but it returned and eventually was the cause of her death in March 2006. During her illness she showed great fortitude, was grateful to others and managed to get some pleasure from life.

Friends

During all my life friends have played a very big part. I’d like to mention a few more of them.

Firstly, Ida and for many years, her husband Eric (he died in 1995). Ida was my rival at school but since 1949 and a chance meeting in Erith she has been a staunch friend. We’ve brought up our families side by side and shared the ups and downs of life. Ida lives nearby (in Northumberland Heath). She is well and happy with a new partner, Ted (he was nearly 90 when she met him!) and I see her quite often.

Pearl and I made friends at Barnehurst Methodist Church Young Wives group. We are both now well into our eighties! Needless to say, we’ve shared many experiences over the years.

Ron and June are friends from many years ago. Ron was Eric’s office friend and he taught Eric to drive (in 1947-48). June and I became chums and spent many days out together. June is a widow now but still a valued friend.

Sheila and Jim recently came back into my life after thirty years. What a happy day that was!

 

These and all the other friends I mention in my story, have a special place in my heart.

Grace and Eric at their golden wedding anniversary in 1994

Recent Times

Time moved on. Evelyn married and left home to build up a life and family of her own. Philip was working and soon he too was leading an independent life. My mother died in 1970. Eric and I became “Derby and Joan”. The big house wasn’t really necessary any more. The work in the garden seemed to be arduous, tiring and rather wearing. By 1996 it was time to scale down and take life easier.

After unsuccessfully looking for our dream bungalow in the Marlow area we settled for a retirement flat in Bexleyheath (with an appropriately botanical name - Fern Court). We “thinned out” our possessions, had the flat decorated and carpeted and moved in. I’ve always thought that the move was right for us and I’ve never regretted the choice that we made. What matters most to me is that Fern Court has given me new friends, particularly Olive. I thank God for their friendship and for that of the many kind folk from the United Reform Church where Olive and I go regularly together. Our move was on 13th June 1996. We had one more year of good health and then in the summer of 1997 unfortunately health problems began to arise.

Grace with her old school friend Cathie

The first sign that anno domini was affecting me was severe atrial fibrillations which resulted in my having to have a pacemaker implanted in October 1997. This took place at St Thomas’ Hospital and was the start of a long association with St Thomas’ and its partner Guy’s Hospital. At this time, Ruth, who was once a neighbour, became my faithful companion accompanying me on regular appointments there. We went by train in those days. Ruth visited me every day during the three week stay that I had in St Thomas’ Hospital after my second foot operation. Thank you Ruth.

As the years went by Eric fell victim to myasthenia and he also had a series of mini strokes (Transient Ischaemic Attacks). It was one of those attacks that finally led to his death in May 2003. Eric died just 3 months before his ninetieth birthday and had he lived nine months longer we would have achieved our diamond wedding anniversary (60 years of marriage).

I think I have coped with widowhood reasonably well, although I miss Eric’s companionship beyond words. I do realise that I have only “kept going” because of the help that Philip gives me, in many ways taking Eric’s place. Philip works with quiet efficiency keeping all my paperwork and problems under control. He is my constant companion, taking me to numerous tedious hospital appointments and also taking me out on pleasure bent. I’m told many times “You’ve got a good son”. “Couldn’t be better” is my reply to that. I value and appreciate all that he does for me.

Before concluding my story there is one more person who is very dear to me that I haven’t yet mentioned - my niece Valerie. Dear, loving, caring Valerie with her optimistic nature and her ability to cheer up bouts of despondency. Valerie has only recently come into my life regularly and frequently, as she has spent all her life looking after her mother (Eric’s sister Vera) who died aged 87 in December 2002. Vera had no hearing at all so needed to be communicated with by lip reading and sign language. In her later years she became nearly blind as well. But Vera had one great blessing in her life, her daughter Valerie who looked after her with total devotion, kindness and love. Now that Vera is no longer with us, “Auntie Grace” benefits from that love and care!

           

Since Eric died my own health problems have escalated (melanoma is the operative word!) but my problems have been greatly eased by my wonderful “back up” team. Evelyn, Philip and Valerie have helped me in every possible way (including boosting my morale) and I am eternally grateful. I love them all dearly.

It is now February 2005 and my story is nearly over. I hope it hasn’t been too tedious reading it. I suppose it’s a fairly ordinary pattern of achievement but to me it has been quite special and I’ve benefited from all my caring family and friends that have shared it with me. So thank you all.